Specials - Poem
As student, I felt, Allergy
might be of interest to me.
I was attracted by discovery
that allergists love mystery.
IgE and IgG, C3a and C5a,
VIP, FMLP, PGI, SRS-A,
substance P an NKA,
and other mysteries crossed my way.
When congresses became of interest later,
my problems became even greater:
EAACI, ICACI, AAA -
where to go and where to pay?
The mystery was deeper yet
about the people that I met,
with names such as ABK,
or companies like ALK.
One mystery remained until today:
this was, of course, the CIA.
Now that to Madeira I have travelled,
also this mystery was unravelled.
I’m not afraid that this could be
the end of all the mystery:
PCR, clones and RNA
accompany my further way.
I thank the organizers for their kind invitation and Council and Members of the CIA for accepting my membership.
Johannes Ring in full swing.
Allergic, but to what?
A lady in her later thirties
no longer wearing miniskirties
starts suffering all of a sudden
from a red feeling near a button
of her old suit, a pink a blue one;
she has to tell this Dr. Shumann
whom he attends quite regularly
not suffering spectacularly.
The doctor takes a look, energic,
and says: "Oh girl, that looks allergic.
This fits your psyche which is popic,
the whole appearance is atopic".
You’re lucky, there’s a crowd around,
a group of experts heaven bound.
They meet on islands in dark chambers
top secret, limited in members,
unlimited in potency,
famous and yet in secrecy!
The CIA is on the treck
the leader in Alain de Weck
The Ishizaka’s, he and she,
and their sweet baby IgE!
Well, there she comes, another case
in the prediagnostic phase.
"Oh, you have an allergy?"
That’s nice. For you not, but for me.
Don’t worry, Lady, you can trust me,
we’ll find something, if only dust. Hee!
You’ll see, we think of everything.
in allergy we are the king"!
Or even simpler:
For our tests we need - don’t mind -
some blood, not much, it’s just a pint.
We draw it by plasmapheresis,
that suits our scientists’ caprices.
We’ll run a little RIST, PRIST, RAST
and we should know it pretty fast.
I see you’ve normal IgE,
how can you dare to bother me?
We’ll have a look at the parade
of the whole complement cascade.
"Left-right! Left-right! Back and for.
C1, C2, C3, C4.
Roombs Zack! There’s German discipline,
where Rother K. and U. are in!
Immune complexes sometimes mixen
things up quite funnily, says Dixon.
Let’s look then at your lymphocytes,
the T and B, the black and whites.
If killer, helper or suppressor,
for each one we’ve got a professor!
And TH1 and 2 and zero,
who will be our future hero?
Subsets emerge and make me itchy
by Romagnani and by Ricci.
My favourite is the basophil.
That is the real vaso-thrill.
This is a cell, i’d like to marry,
too late, there is already Larry!
The mast cell is much more important,
says Austen, and the rest is shortened.
Show me your mast cells "is the word".
The patient blushes, it’s unheard!
The mast cells also flirt with nerves.
Each one will get what he deserves.
makes Rolling Stones and mast cells shock.
You better keep your granules thin,
we take it out, your histamine.
Off course we study mediators,
that’s the allergic elevators.
Some factors are anaphylactic
and others are just chemotactic.
We try to do this by combining
triggers and stimuli and priming.
The ligand factor stem cell kit,
what is it all about, this shit?
Do not develop thoughts of hatred,
we have to study now the platelet.
Disgusting, that’s a zero phoney,
just clumps releasing serotonin.
Still better that the prostaglandin.
That’s were it stops, my understanding.
And cyclic - thingamabob-P
GM, AM, FM - Jee!
and MIF and MAF
and PIF and PAF,
SRS-A and CSF
LTB and LTC
and LThe and LTshe.
And interleukins, cytokines
are filling up in longer lines
Il-1 to I1-12,
the books are crowded on my shelf.
This study sure is not attracting,
the doctor is so slow reacting.
The job is endless, anular,
your brain starts getting granular.
Read those results, that’s exegetic
and the conclusion theoretic.
Come on, let’s do some nice deep dives
into the ocean of our hives.
A little sting of honeybee
is something you can feel and see.
We’ll watch your skin from intradermal
and look if it’s behaving normal.
You want to know, which stuff is tested?
Come on now, don’t be chicken breasted.
Our extracts they are simple, crude,
just like your skin, it’s raw and nude.
You’ll like it so, I’m sure you do.
Look, here, that is the whole menu:
cocci, fungi, bacilli,
tulips, cacti, mustard seeds,
funny ivy, all the weeds
feathers from the goosey-gander,
together with some cockroach dander.
Tunafish, all kinds of foods,
some are allergic, against booze,
and chemicals and formaline,
the "eco-syndrome" is now in.
and pets, dogs, cats and humming birds,
environment in other words."
"Oh no, don’t do it, no it hurts."
Too late, de doodle, duddle, deedle,
that’s the last tango of the needle.
They’re some, when they inject the extract,
they feel experiencing a sex act.-
The test result, frustrating feeling:
There was no flaring and no whealing.
The patient as a whole was fat,
the skin, however, would stay flat.
Just nothing, useless, stupid, crooked,
no single plus was there to look at.
The only area which was red
was on her belly, I was mad.
Calm down, there is no need for shame.
Let’s try the epidermal game.
Downstairs the patchy-tatchy sisters
will drive your back up to show blisters.
"Now, paint her well, because it’s urgent,
with every kind of new detergent.
Some, although it’s Synthetical,
enjoy it as cosmetical.
If negative, let’s sing the aria
of temperature and urticaria.
No further picking, scratching, slaughter,
just play a little bit with water.
It did not work, this provocation,
o.k. then challenge inhalation.
The torture with the metacholine
fails rarely, oh, that is consoling,
"Now, take a real deep attack breath
That’s good, you look like Lady Macbeth.
Keep going going going going -
and now start blowing blowing blowing blowing -"
She blew and blew until her head
was a balloon and firy red.
A student asked, an imbecile:
"Is that now eosinophil?"
"Shut up, we got it, yes we won,
it is decreased, FEV1.
Yes, but there was a slight mistake,
the inhalation was a fake;
the choline vial is still dosed,
Again, and this time higher closed,
and then, let’s change the extract species
and take the good old male rat feces.
She takes it, as if it was tea.
Nothing abnormal was to see.
"Mylady, we provoke i.v.,
now, if you think, that breaks your axis,
don’t worry, that’s anaphylaxis,
controlled, we’re famous for this praxis."
She won’t react, won’t do the favour.
I’m stressed, I feel like a cadaver.
These tests won’t find the missing link.
We better concentrate and think:
There is the following conclusion,
we have to find it by exclusion.
Let’s closely check her history.-
And so we solved the mystery!
From the beginning of the whole
one agent played a major role,
which never was eliminated
and always symptoms aggravated.
The diagnosis made me free:
"You are allergic to 'M.D.'"